My house is just that a house, no longer a home.

As I wait to find what date I move, I sit in a house that used to be a home, but is no longer that. All our stuff is packed into boxes. Things that seemed worth keeping at one point have ended up given away or in the trash. I feel a little homeless. Not in the sense that I have no home, but in the sense of what makes a house a home is gone. My family is split apart right now, and that is what is most important to me. Being together. I don't care what type of house I live in as long as we are all together. Being apart at first was new and allowed me to think and reflect on all that we had been through. Now being apart is tiring, and

old. I'm tired of having to make all the decisions, tired of having to do all the work. I miss the nightly talks that my husband and I shared. I miss just being able to ask someone to watch the kids so I could not have to. Thank goodness my kids are teens and don't need constant attention. My garden is over run, and I have no time or energy to care for it. Some days I just feel so tired. I'll have a good day where I get so much accomplished and then I'll have a day where all I want to do is sleep. I know most of this is caused by stress, but I'll be glad for when that stress is less.

I have to say my husband and I never really thought we'd ever move. I had my life planned so simply. We would both work and live here in this little half a house. The kids would do well in school and then go off to college. We would have the house paid off and then we would spend our weekends at the beach. I'm just a very simple person. This whole move has knocked my world off course. I have to think up a whole new idea of my future. As I've looked at all my husband has packed away in the basement I keep wanting to ask "Why do you have all this stuff?" And yet I

step back and realize he never planned for us to move either. Life has sent us this change and it's hard to see where it is leading us. I can only hope that it all works out well for us. It's times like this when I could use an angel from the sky to tell me what is ahead. I wish I could go to the end of the chapter of this part of my life and see what is going to happen. I'm one of those people who has to look at the end of the book to see if there is a happy ending. I just can't help it. And yet with life I can't do that. I wish I could. I continue to realize I must have faith and hope. I must continually trust God in this plan. Not my will but his. Hoping to find a good book to read soon. The book I'm reading right now is just a little better than the last. But still not what I was looking for. I'm off to play Cinderella. Clean, clean the empty house.

Don't pack your kitchen until you know your moving date!

My house is mostly packed up. I have a few things to pack in the basement, and then at some point I need to pack up my computer. That will have to wait till moving week though. I can't live long with out my computer. One of the things I've learned is don't pack the kitchen until close to moving. OK so I thought I'd be moving a little earlier than it looks like. I should know tonight the actual moving week. It's very hard to cook a meal without pots, pans, and serving utensils. I was able to find the pots and pans, but the spatula, serving spoons and can opener are lost in the boxes. I refuse to open them all up again. So dinner last night was a little odd. No one






complained though. I think my kids are getting used to this living among boxes, with very little of their stuff.
I have to say that in all of this I've become more thankful than ever that I believe in God. This week at church in one of the lessons the teacher asked the class "Why do you come to church?" I have thought about that alot this week. Her lesson was based on the talk from conference





called "Waiting on the Road to Damascus."
The talk focuses on the fact that many people do not grow in the church or their testimony because they are waiting for the heavens to open so that they can have a heavenly visitation like Saul. The talk went on to say that most answers to our questions come from whispers from the Spirit, friends in the church, and the Prophets.
As I have reflected on this lesson, I realize how true this is. Many times I go to church with a question, and prayer I want an answer to. The answers usually come from a talk, or lesson given by someone in the church. Even this Sunday during the lesson I was given answers to my


concerns. The teacher said "Sometimes you feel God is not with you during a trial. But once you have been removed from the trial, you see how much he was really there helping. Sometimes it helps to look to your past to see that God is with you." I knew that was so true of my situation. There are moments where I feel alone, and not strong enough. There are moments when I fear that my house will never sell. And then I will think back to other times where I was worried, and see that all worked out well. When I do this it calms me down. It allows me to realize that this to will work out. I have to just take it one day at a time.


Why do I go to church? I go because it helps me grow closer to the Savior and God. It strengthens me for the week ahead. I also receive answers to my prayers at church. So many of my prayers have been answered within the walls of my church. I typically think and ponder all week long on some question for God. And it seems by Sunday he is done with my questioning and gives me my answer. In October I was studying a blessing given to me and kept wondering when will certain things happen. On my drive home the spirit whispered that my family would be moving. I was so


happy for this answer back then. I wish I could still feel that good feeling. Here we are moving, and I know it's the right thing. But it is so much harder than I imagined. This past week I was thinking "Where are you in this God." And he has shown me through this lesson. I'm here, I'm the friends helping you, I'm the people praying for your family. I haven't left you, I'm here, be quiet and see. In the talk President Uchtdorf says " I testify to you that our Father in Heaven loves his children. He loves us. He loves you. When necessary the Lord will even carry you over obstacles as you seek his Peace with a broken heart and a contrite spirit." What peace this brings to me. How thankful I am I go to church each week. How thankful I am to have the Lord to carry me. I know what is spoken in this talk is true. I know that God loves us, and he answers our prayers. I hope you will find this in your life too. Do you like the picture of my cat, in her new travel case?
Do any of you have a suggestion for a good summer book to read? I have to say I've picked three really awful books. I like to read at night, to escape a little. I'm looking for something light and fun. Instead I've picked really bad books. To keep you from making the same poor choice DO NOT READ " Love in Mid Air." It is a waste of paper. Unless you really want to read something really depressing. Definitely don't believe the front cover that says " Astute and engrossing, this debut is a treat." I could not find anything that was a treat in this book. I should have abandoned it. Anyways I'm off to clean and pack.

STUCK IN LIMBO!

This Monday I almost cracked into a thousand pieces. This process of moving is causing me such stress. The list of things to do seemed so absolutely overwhelming. My children don't seem to hear me when I ask for help, and just want what most children want. To have fun, and to do their own thing. I'm not angry at them, but it is hard to pack a house and try to get two children to focus and help. My sons ability to stay on task when it is not what he wants to do is very bad. I really understood at one point why some people just disappear. I just wanted to get into my car and never be seen again. Let the rest of the world pick up the pieces. This is when my

Mother -in-law would say " you get on your knees and tell God it's in your hands God, I can't do it any more." As I sat and cried while my daughter swam, I realized I really needed to ask for help. I've done a huge amount of work by myself and moving forward was more than I could take at that point. I was so glad that my friend answered the phone and came to help. Just one extra hand made all the difference. Then more people came to help with the cleaning out of the basement. I'm still not totally glued together. I'm still feeling like I could break apart at a moments notice. But I know I'm a bit stronger and I know help is a phone call away.

I feel stuck between being here, and moving there. I look around and say " Are you serious God?" " You really want me to move.?" My little house is finally finished and I have to leave it. I'm leaving such good friends, such good neighbors. I'm living in a packed up house, in the middle of a heat wave. Thank goodness we got the air conditioner in before my husband left.

My list is slowly decreasing, and I'm feeling ready to just get out. And yet the date has not been set. I was hoping to leave in two weeks, but that could possibly not be the case, and I think it will stress me out more. But I guess like always

I need to trust that God is in control. Beyond the move there is so much going on. I'm trying to get a few more things fixed at the house. I'm trying to set up Health insurance. Ugh! I hate health insurance! My brain gets twisted in a knot just trying to understand it all. I'm trying to not let the children realize just how hard this is for me. And then my father in law has a 7cm aneurysm in his heart, he will have surgery on Tuesday. My one real support here had been my mother in law and I can't bring any stress to her. And so I guess that is why on Monday I almost cracked into a thousand pieces.


This whole trial though has made me look at the Atonement so much more differently. The last two Sundays in the Gospel doctrine class at church the focus has been on the last days of the Saviors life. I think of the Savior at his weakest moment, asking God to take the cup from him. Let him not have to go through with the trial before him. And then saying "Not my will, but yours." It is nice to read of that moment. Even the Savior asked for help, and asked for the trial to be less. It allows me to realize it is OK to need help.

It's OK to admit that what you are going through is hard. I've prayed so much for strength. And help. I know God is in charge of all of this. I just need to keep faithful. I just need to keep moving forward. The end will be so much better I'm sure. Sorry for the dramatics. I'm just feeling very overwhelmed. This little blog is my therapy, my way of letting the stress out.

Hope you enjoyed the photo's.

I didn't have a yard sale to get rid of my junk and I'm so glad!

As I prepare to move out west one of my many tasks is to go through my attic and basement and clean them out. I've kept so much stuff. I kept so many bill receipts, and papers. Glad I bought a shredder. Last week my daughter and I finished the last 4 boxes of papers. I've also kept all kinds of toys, stuffed animals, games, videos, books and other supplies for the house. So many people have said "Have a Yard Sale." I said "NO!" There is this dream that other people will wander by and buy the junk you don't want and you will end up with a pile of extra cash. But to me the time to set up the yard sale, and advertise, and then the time sitting and waiting

for people to come is just more time to give than is worth the possible money I might make. The thought of sitting around watching people pick through things I don't want just sound so boring. So as I went through my stuff, I gave to good will, I donated to a yard sale to help struggling women, and I picked out items that I thought my friends would like and I gave them to them. Free of charge! I gave my wedding dress to one of my best friends whose brother is getting married and needed a dress for his bride to be. Tomorrow I give the last bit of things to one of my other friends who has three young children.

They have been struggling and I have all these stuffed animals, and toys that will be just perfect for the kids. It will be like Christmas for them. I'm glad I chose to do this. Could I have made some money? Perhaps, but giving to others who really have a need brings me so much joy.

Today I read an article " I had a yard sale and made nothing." And I thought I'm so glad I didn't waste my time. My attic is almost finished being cleaned out. There are some jeans up there that I'm donating to a drive at the local grocery store which I think supports our troops and then the rest of the stuff up there needs to be labeled and brought across the country. I need to start figuring out the best way to get all
my belongings out west. If anyone has tips for moving cross country I'd love advice! Also did you have a yard sale and was it a success or a waste of time?

Never believe you have enought boxes when moving!

Just a short blog today before it is back to cleaning and packing. Never believe you have enough boxes when you are moving, and take from anyone who offers them to you. At first when boxes started to come into the house I thought, hey that's enough. Now I know, it wasn't. I guess I just didn't realize how little fits into a box, or how much stuff I have. My house the past few days has been a disaster area. I'm now waiting for my husbands friend to come and finish some stuff, and then I can call the painters so they can finish painting once he finishes. I knew we should have just hired someone else but my husband would not listen, and so I'm a little

stressed. So I continue to do what I can do, and wait. I pray and pray all will work out in the end.

There is so much cleaning to do, that I keep busy all day long. Between the attic and the basement and everywhere in between I have something to do. Again most days I feel the Lord carrying me. It reminds me of the dream I had of the Lord carrying me down a very steep and treacherous cliff blindfolded. When I turned around I felt it was impossible that I did it. Perhaps he had sent me the dream as a warning and reminder that he would carry me. It's a lot to ask of me. But I just continue forward. Constantly praying for the

Strengthen to make it. Hope you enjoy the flower photos. My garden still keeps me calm. Just to go out and see the flowers and weed, helps so much. Have a good weekend all.

It's been 1 year since I lost my Job in New Jersey!

Well it has been one year since I lost my library job. I have to say I never imagined all that could happen in this year. My husband lost his job about two weeks after I lost my job. He is now working at a new and better job for him, but he had a huge struggle to get there. I took last summer off to help watch a friends child, and have what I thought would be my last summer off. Only to find that I'm now on a leave of absence with my company. They are being so kind as to let me transfer to where my husband works. One of the employees made me cupcakes on my last day. I never thought that working in a big retail company I would make so many

friends. I loved learning about the company and how a big company runs. Wow what a lot of work. I enjoyed so much of my new job, that I never really missed the library job. I've continued to garden. I've failed a bit in not using credit cards. I hope to take that back up when we get to our new home. I always pay the bill off, but I now know there are some other traps with credit cards and I really want to avoid that. So I'm thinking of Changing the title of my blog again. G.G.'s big trip out west. My house right now looks like a tornado went through it. I have painters and contractors all over during the day.

We've been eating take out a lot! As the kitchen is being finished. I had to go to the neighbors to use the bathroom today as the bathroom was also being worked on. My husband left a little something undone in every room! Ugh. I've been packing up his stuff in the basement. I'm sure it will take him a few years to find what he is looking for. I've contacted the Realtor. Looking for them to reply. I've been packing boxes. I never realized how many boxes moving takes or how much packaging tape and paper to wrap things. My bedroom is pretty much packed up.


that's the other room with major work going on. Its sad to say the house is finally almost totally finished and we are moving! Oh and poor Miss. Kitty she has been locked in my sons room everyday to keep her out of the way. She must really wonder what is going on. We've been thinking of making a book about her move. I wonder what she is thinking is happening to her home. My poor daughters room is a total mess too as I had to stuff everything from my room into her room so that they could fix and paint the ceiling. We all are sleeping in the living room which is just about as crammed with stuff as all the other rooms. Ugh. My husband has no clue as

to the disaster I'm living in. This morning I spent some time in the garden to just de-stress. But what I've been telling most people is that God is carrying me. The other day in my store I saw the footsteps in the sand poem. And I thought the only reason I keep going on is because God is carrying me. I have felt for the most part comfort and peace. There have been days that I have been stressed, but for the most part I have felt all will be well. So a year has come and gone, and I'm still moving forward. I have a huge adventure at my door. I know if I had had my


Library job I would have been less willing to move. I sometimes wonder if all the trials were God's way to push my husband and I to where he wanted us. I mean the company my husband is working for has been trying to get him to work for them for 5 years. Perhaps the Lord had to be a bit hard on us, to get us moving where he wanted us. I can only imagine what we will discover together. I'm actually very excited to see what Utah people think of the Girl from Vermont who was able to survive 16 years in New Jersey. I still have people who tell me that "I'm definitely not from New Jersey". I wonder will the natives from Utah find this Vermont girl to be a bit different too?

Be Still, My Soul, Patience is what I need to learn most in this life.

Gardening in an act of Faith and Patience. You have the faith that a tiny seed, planted in soil, nourished by water and sun will sprout into a seedling, which will grow into a plant, which will bring forth beautiful blooms. With some flowers it takes a few weeks, some a few months and some a year or more. And you have the faith it will happen. And you work hard and you patiently wait for the flower. Most people think I have a green thumb, and that I'm patient. Sometimes I look at my garden and wonder how it all grows so well. Sometimes I wonder how anyone could think I'm patient. I have to say that I know I have much more to learn.

Right now I want to be in a whole different state, and I want my house ready to sell. None of which is happening at the pace I want it. When I was a teenager I worked with horses. All my young life all I wanted was a horse of my own. One thing I learned was it's not good if the horse gets the bit in its teeth and takes off with you. But most days I wish I could be that horse with the bit in my teeth, tearing across a field as fast as possible. I want thing to move at a much quicker pace, and they are not. And so I constantly come back to the song "BE STILL MY SOUL." I need to slow down, and let God be in the lead.

I need to trust his plan. I need to live in the thorns for a bit longer. I need to have confidence in him that he is leading my family to where he wants them at his pace. I'd be there now, but I need to bend to his will and wait for him to bring my family together at his pace. It is hard. It is hard to not be able to say "we are moving on this day in this month. We will be living in this town and the kids will be going to this school." It is hard to just not know and have people wondering why. But that is my life right now. I'm blind folded. I only know I'm moving, everything is in God's hands.

" It is the Lord who goes before you; He will be with you, he will not take away his help from you or give you up: So have no fear. (Deuteronomy 31:8)

Well I'm off to clean, and pack. Thanks for reading!