Is this the window out?

When God closes a door he is supposed to open a window to let you out right? I think I've heard people say that saying. In my head I like to believe the window out would have been a job for my husband in New Jersey. A window that keeps me safe in the place I know and love. That keeps me close to good friends and family, and not too far from my own family in Vermont. But in my heart I'm beginning to feel that the window is not leading to my planned destination. Where is this open window going to bring my family and I? Like this knight behind the window are we going on a grand adventure? Or what lurks behind this window? Is it a magical world where animals talk? Who thought up this design? Beyond this room and out the window are there gardens to be taken care of?

What awaits out the window that we are about to open? Is it a pleasant and good place full of blessings? Or will we struggle just as hard? Like a swing going back and forth we hear Go,stay,go,stay. The window was almost shut, and then I said "Go!" It's wide open, and now my husband is going. What will he find out there? What word will he send back to us? What change is in store? My hope is to find a place where we can rest. When we all finally are on the other side, one blessing I hope for is some time to rest. The changes in my husbands life lately have been great, and he has started to become a very different person. He used to think so much of himself and doing the things that he liked to do. Now he is starting to give much of that away and is asking "Lord what is it that you would have me do?" He is growing in leaps and bounds. I have been receiving great comfort from the spirit, and so I know that this is all for the best. If it were not for the spirits constant guiding. I'd go back on the swing and say stay. But I know the answer is "Go" Hope you enjoy the interesting window photo's that I found. My next day off is Monday. It seems so far away. Until then!

Time to Buy Seeds!

Spring is around the corner and I'm beginning to collect the seeds for the flowers I've wanted to try growing. I really want to try to grow lavender after reading so many books about it last year. Then some mammoth Sunflowers along the fence. Zinnia's for my neighbor. And Morning glories on the front deck. I've been reading up on the best time to water, the best plants for sun. I'm ready! I just need the weather to cooperate.

This week has been a very up and down week for my family.

We have been struggling with just making enough




to cover the basics in life. We've had a life line set out to us and are grateful, but we also know that more needs to be looked at. I have to say I feel very much like a person washed out to sea. It's funny that at this time of the year I can feel so beat up with life. It reminds me of my job last year. Day by day more and more people found they were losing their jobs. It was like a storm hit the building and we were never sure who was going to survive. I was the first taken out, and yet due to how school systems work I was still there until the end. Now I still feel like I'm in the storm.

The ocean is not calm and each day I'm being tossed about. So how do you make a big decision? A life changing decision? You pray. You pray all day long. Then when you make a choice wait to feel what the spirit says. Well I knew what the choice was supposed to be, but I tried to make the other choice. So did my husband. And for a day we both felt miserable. We wanted to make the choice that would make our parents happy, but the weight of the decisions was so heavy. Then when I said change the decision, go, try. The weight came off, and I've been surrounded by this peace that at some points is almost as hard to bear. It's a wonderful

feeling but it is a bit overwhelming too. So in the midst of a year and a half of change we are not getting the moment of down time I'd hoped for. We are actually moving into more change. If you have been reading along, you know the decision that was being contemplated, and so you know where my family is most likely headed. I feel connected to the family line I've been working on. They were movers. They moved from Canada, to Vermont, to New Hampshire, and then all the way to Iowa. I've moved from Massachusetts, to Vermont, to New Jersey and now possibly I will move all the way to Utah. God only knows why

my family must move. But it looks more and more like we will move than we won't.

I will continue to plan my garden, and enjoy what bits of time I have left. And if we move, I won't look back, I won't regret it. I'll find a way to be happy no matter where I am. I'll find my moments of Joy.

On a really good note, I was nominated employee of the month for my job!

Post will be very irregular from now on. I have only one day a week off. So When I can I'll keep you up to date.

Here's a song played alot at where I work : Maybe. Fits with my life at the moment. Can't say I like the name of the band or any thing else but the song. My husband liked all the old cars.

Moment of Joy watching my crocus open!

Well March is almost over and I've gone another month without using Credit cards. It is so nice not to have those bills looming over us. Our life has been very crazy. We said no to the Utah job, and then they sent a second offer. We are still thinking about it, but today I'm thinking that staying here would be better for our family. Why, because I don't think my husband could deal with all the change, and if something went wrong I don't see him wanting to live in Utah until he dies. If we moved that is what would happen. Here are some photo's of my crocus plants. I took them yesterday morning. The first photo is of them all closed up.

As the Sun begins to warm the plants the flowers slowly open. Here you can see that the flowers are beginning to open.

Each photo has the flowers open just a little bit more. It was nice to sit with my camera in hand and watch this event. I thought it would be neat to have a little movie of the flowers opening. But the photo's are good enough.

They are almost totally open now.

And now they are fully open. Where are the Bee's?

A life line was given to us yesterday. My husband went to unemployment and they have let him reopen his claim for partial benefits. He can now work, look for a new job, and receive benefits because he is making way under 40 hours. It is almost as if God has finally extended the life line that we needed. As if he knew we had been tested at this point as much as we could be.

I'm thankful for the little bit of help. I hope to be very careful with the finances in hopes that we can put some money back into the savings account for the next storm.

Here is a song for me this week. Let the waters rise.

Spring flowers = New Hope

What starts as little green leaves becomes a plant and flower as the spring turns to summer. Spring with little green spears coming up from the cold ground brings me new hope. Hope that something better is to come. I'm not sure what that better is but I have faith that it will come.


This green plant is a mum plant. Remember from fall, I had to keep all the dead plants in the garden. Last weekend I cut the dead parts off, and here is the new growth. I will pick the new growth back all summer and then in the fall my garden will be full of mums. One thing a good gardener learns is what their plants look like at each stage. You know the very beginning stage,



the middle stage and the end stage. You also need to learn what to do with the plant in the fall. Do you leave it alone, or cut it back.


This little plant makes me so happy. It is my beloved "Pyrethrum Daisy" . The first year is the hardest with these plants. You need to keep them alive and realize that you will not get any flowers. But if they survive the future years will bring beautiful pink daisy like flowers. I'm so happy to find many of them starting to come up. Would you know from looking at this what beauty lies ahead?








Now look at these little green shoot coming up. I know which are the tulips, which are the daffodils and which are the Crocus. Do you know which is which. The moment they begin to come out of the ground I know what flower they are.


I have spent so many years working on this one garden. The spring is tulips, daffodils, crocus, Hyacinth, the summer is cone flowers, black eyed Susan's, and daisies. The fall is mums.










This will be a purple Hyacinth.

And here we have the first flowers of spring, the crocus. I think they are so beautiful. This little purple flowers that open with the warmth of the sun and close with the end of the day. I'm wondering though if I've lost some plants this past year as I think I had many more last year. Perhaps some have just not come up yet. Only time will tell.

So my husband and I still have many decisions to make. I'm thinking Utah is probably not going to happen. I would love to be in a more quite place, a place closer to the churches temples. But if I'm


only still just going to be making it, I'm going to stay close to my family and close friends and neighbors. Over the past few years I've created a net work of good friends in my neighborhood. They watch over our family, they help when needed. If we move and both have to work 40 hours just to make ends meet out west, then who will help out? At least here we are close to our families, and have many wonderful trusted friends to help us. I believe as my husband begins to look for new work he will find something that will help us, and that it will work out.




Your continued prayers are much appreciated.





Moment of Joy:) Having a day off to play basketball with my daughter. Having almost 40 hours of work next week. My husband saying something positive about himself. He is a hard worker. Being able to photograph flowers. Oh how long the winters been.

Decisions!

Decisions.... Have you ever plucked the petals from a flower. To find the answer to a question. "He Loves me, He loves me not..." Our question would be " We should move, We should not..."
My husband got a job offer in Utah. They would pay to move us out there, but if it didn't work they would not pay to move us back. I'm not sure if the offer is enough. I'm not sure how much it cost to rent or own a home out there. It is certainly very expensive here, but what about out there. Plus I have the next two months of full time work. I can't ask for time off to go out and see until after April, and now it seems that the come out and see and take a month to think it

over is not happening. I almost feel like my husband should go out and work and see if it is a job he would really want to do. I also wish he would just look for a new job around here. Which I've been asking him to do for months. We live on so little, that he does not need a lot to make ends meet. If only he would look for a job that paid him for 40 hours. I am also unsure of the fact that if we got out there how would we all get back to visit his family and my family. I guess I was hoping the offer would have been more. But on the other hand I don't really know if it is a good or bad offer because I don't know how much things cost out in Utah. It could be a great offer.

It would even be a good offer if we were to have it here. Ugh. I wish I had some flowers to pull petals off of. I think we are going to need a lot of advice. I know one thing I feel for my husband, he is so stressed out. His work schedule changes month to month sometimes week to week. His service writers keep changing. I just wish he could get away.

So pray for us.

Will we be moving west like my ancestors did?

My ancestors moved from the mountains of New Hampshire out to Clear field Iowa in the early 1800's. One has to wonder why they would want to move out west. Did they have friends that went before them that sent word that there was a better life to be had? Or did they just have a desire to move and see something different.

Many of my friends and family are wondering if we will be moving out to Utah. My husband had a friend who asked him to come out and interview for a job out there. With his work the way it was I said go out and see. It can't hurt. I don't know that I have thought of it as being more than an adventure for my husband. And a little ray of hope and a nice dream.


Perhaps though he might be thinking of it as very serious. And since he has not had an offer yet, I think he is also a little worried that he did not meet their expectations. His friend has assured him that he will receive an offer soon, but I think the stress of his current job has gotten the best of my husband, and perhaps me too.

I am willing to move or go anywhere that would be better for my husband. I'm tired of him working 50 hours a week and getting paid maybe 20 hours or less. It is causing him to doubt himself, his abilities and his worthiness as a mechanic and perhaps a good person.





As much as I try to tell him that this situation is not his fault, that he is a smart and good worker, I can not get through to him. I feel just awful today, as I finally snapped and screamed at him. I don't know if in the photo's of me you've seen the red in my hair. Well red heads have tempers and mine finally just snapped. I'm like this T-Rex crashing through the wall. I can't stand to hear my husband demean himself anymore. I told him if he could not say something good about himself then he should not speak. This auto dealership that he is working for must be doing something illegal. If I had money, and a good lawyer I'd get to the bottom of it. It does not seem right that you can expect people to be on your property for 8 plus hours and only pay them for two or less. There has to be something illegal going on. Anyone I tell this story to feels the same way.

Aren't these photo's just beautiful. I feel compelled to clean out my house. Maybe rent a dumpster, and get prepared to move. I'm tired of New Jersey, High taxes, and the constant rat race that I'm running in. I'd like to live somewhere closer to the churches temples, and a place where the pace of living is slower. I really just want a simple little life. So God if you are listening please give me a simple, less hectic life.

My song for the week, month, maybe decade:

Stronger.


Here is the lyrics that stick in my head from the song, "When the waves are taking you under

Hold on just a little bit longer...."

I keep thinking perhaps it would be easier to just let the waves take me under. Why should I keep fighting? Why should I need to be any stronger? I would just like a little time to rest and have some peace. Is that too much to ask for?

These mountains are breath taking. Wow. Now I know why my husband talked about them so much.

Pray for us. I've not a good thing to think today.

I've got 15 plastic cards in my pocket book how many do you have?

Spring is coming. Today was so nice out and I spent the whole morning out cleaning the gardens. I don't have photo's as my camera is in Utah. I find that a little frustrating as I live with my camera around my neck during garden time. The first spring flower is in bloom and I'm using my children's cameras. I hope that when I'm able to put them in the computer they have come out half decent. So you get to see photo's from last year. I can't wait to start gardening and photographing. Though the next two months will be very busy for me. I'll be working 40 hours each week soon.
As I work in retail I notice that so many people

carry around plastic cards. At first I thought boy people have a lot of credit cards. But now I realize that these are not just credit cards. There are movie store cards, discount cards, library cards, credit cards, health insurance cards, cards for the pet food store, cards for the grocery store. Lots and lots of plastic cards. I counted mine and I have 15 plastic cards. This is actually a very small amount. They all fit nicely in my wallet. Let me tell you there are people who have stacks and stacks of cards. I'm not sure how they keep it all in order. I have a feeling that many people are overwhelmed by their plastic cards.


My goal for this coming month is to start cleaning out my house of stuff we don't use. After living here for 11 years I've realized that we've collected a lot of stuff, and I feel that much of it needs to go. My problem is every time I go up in my attic and see all the stuff I get overwhelmed and come back down thinking I'll start tomorrow.

As I think about my ancestors I have found a common thread. I feel my love of gardening comes from them. Many of my ancestors were farmers. People who worked the land. Perhaps my need to see things grow comes from them.

This past week I spent a lot of time on Ancestry.com. I have found many more of my ancestors. I even found that one line has some people who came from China. These are very distant and not direct line ancestors but it was still neat to see. I also have some ancestors from Norway. They lived out west with the homesteaders. I can't imagine living in a sod house. These people must have been tough. I found a cool photo of the women, perhaps I'll share it soon with the story of how one of the women found her husband. Very forward thinking for the 1800's.
I hope you enjoyed the photo's of the spring flowers. The top photo is a tulip, then a Hyacinth, and then my favorite crocus. I like the last photo of all the purple crocus with one white crocus. I think there was a genetic mutation.
Here is a good song: This is Home. I don't know for sure if I've found our home. I still keep feeling that at some point my family is moving.
My husband is still in Utah. He seems to be having a great time. He is very in love with the mountains. His friend talks of houses with two car garages. We are such a simple family to think he could make enough that we'd have a house with a garage. It's a nice dream isn't it. Even if it doesn't happen the dream is nice, the hope is nice.
Moments of Joy:) Being enveloped by the spirit. How wonderful it is to feel pure joy,to feel you could never thirst again, to breath the most pure air, to feel so absolutely loved and at peace. I don't know how I deserve that feeling but love when it descends upon me. A day to garden, clean and relax with the kids.
Thankful for: Everything. The trial I'm facing and the growth that is coming from it. The fact that the burden we are under is pushing us forward, I'm not sure where we are being pushed to but I know it will be good.

2 months down and 10 to go!

I have gone two months without using credit cards. I have to say that not worrying about what is coming in the mail for a bill is so nice. Here is an article I found about living without credit cards. I like to go and read articles to help me stay determined not to use them. One question if you would like to answer. How many plastic cards do you carry in your Pocket book or Wallet? As I work in retail on the register it amazes me how many people have stacks of cards plastic cards. I've realized they are not all credit cards, some are gift cards, discount cards, and library cards. Yet the amount that people carry just amazes me. I'll have to count mine and

Let you know.

This past Sunday an important speaker came to our church. I really liked the talk he gave. It was about the fact that we will always have problems, but sometimes it is the weight of the problem that moves us forward to what the Lord would want us to do. He also mentioned about praying for strength during trials. I have to say that through the trial my husband and I have been facing I have not asked why, but have asked for strength to continue to try and move forward. It was nice to have someone speak about this being the correct way to deal with a trial.

Here is a song that is about staying strong.

Stay Strong by the Newsboys.

My husband is out in Utah. He is checking out a possible job opportunity. In his report last night I was told that where his friend lives is five minutes from one of our churches Temples. He also thought that the mountains were absolutely beautiful. I look forward to more updates. He has my camera so hopefully he will take some good photo's for me to share.

I hope you like the photo's I took this summer of this prehistoric looking bird. He likes to eat the snakes at the park. It is so cool to see this bird fly over the little canal in the park. You would think you were in the age of the dinosaurs. Of course he flies to fast for me to get good photo's.

Moment of Joy:) Spending two quiet days with my daughter as she rest from having a sore throat. Talking with my many new friends at work. I was even mentioned at a recent staff meeting for helping with the clearance racks.

Thankful for: Good health, our house, cars that run, job possibilities and the dream of something better.