STUCK IN LIMBO!

This Monday I almost cracked into a thousand pieces. This process of moving is causing me such stress. The list of things to do seemed so absolutely overwhelming. My children don't seem to hear me when I ask for help, and just want what most children want. To have fun, and to do their own thing. I'm not angry at them, but it is hard to pack a house and try to get two children to focus and help. My sons ability to stay on task when it is not what he wants to do is very bad. I really understood at one point why some people just disappear. I just wanted to get into my car and never be seen again. Let the rest of the world pick up the pieces. This is when my

Mother -in-law would say " you get on your knees and tell God it's in your hands God, I can't do it any more." As I sat and cried while my daughter swam, I realized I really needed to ask for help. I've done a huge amount of work by myself and moving forward was more than I could take at that point. I was so glad that my friend answered the phone and came to help. Just one extra hand made all the difference. Then more people came to help with the cleaning out of the basement. I'm still not totally glued together. I'm still feeling like I could break apart at a moments notice. But I know I'm a bit stronger and I know help is a phone call away.

I feel stuck between being here, and moving there. I look around and say " Are you serious God?" " You really want me to move.?" My little house is finally finished and I have to leave it. I'm leaving such good friends, such good neighbors. I'm living in a packed up house, in the middle of a heat wave. Thank goodness we got the air conditioner in before my husband left.

My list is slowly decreasing, and I'm feeling ready to just get out. And yet the date has not been set. I was hoping to leave in two weeks, but that could possibly not be the case, and I think it will stress me out more. But I guess like always

I need to trust that God is in control. Beyond the move there is so much going on. I'm trying to get a few more things fixed at the house. I'm trying to set up Health insurance. Ugh! I hate health insurance! My brain gets twisted in a knot just trying to understand it all. I'm trying to not let the children realize just how hard this is for me. And then my father in law has a 7cm aneurysm in his heart, he will have surgery on Tuesday. My one real support here had been my mother in law and I can't bring any stress to her. And so I guess that is why on Monday I almost cracked into a thousand pieces.


This whole trial though has made me look at the Atonement so much more differently. The last two Sundays in the Gospel doctrine class at church the focus has been on the last days of the Saviors life. I think of the Savior at his weakest moment, asking God to take the cup from him. Let him not have to go through with the trial before him. And then saying "Not my will, but yours." It is nice to read of that moment. Even the Savior asked for help, and asked for the trial to be less. It allows me to realize it is OK to need help.

It's OK to admit that what you are going through is hard. I've prayed so much for strength. And help. I know God is in charge of all of this. I just need to keep faithful. I just need to keep moving forward. The end will be so much better I'm sure. Sorry for the dramatics. I'm just feeling very overwhelmed. This little blog is my therapy, my way of letting the stress out.

Hope you enjoyed the photo's.