My house is just that a house, no longer a home.

As I wait to find what date I move, I sit in a house that used to be a home, but is no longer that. All our stuff is packed into boxes. Things that seemed worth keeping at one point have ended up given away or in the trash. I feel a little homeless. Not in the sense that I have no home, but in the sense of what makes a house a home is gone. My family is split apart right now, and that is what is most important to me. Being together. I don't care what type of house I live in as long as we are all together. Being apart at first was new and allowed me to think and reflect on all that we had been through. Now being apart is tiring, and

old. I'm tired of having to make all the decisions, tired of having to do all the work. I miss the nightly talks that my husband and I shared. I miss just being able to ask someone to watch the kids so I could not have to. Thank goodness my kids are teens and don't need constant attention. My garden is over run, and I have no time or energy to care for it. Some days I just feel so tired. I'll have a good day where I get so much accomplished and then I'll have a day where all I want to do is sleep. I know most of this is caused by stress, but I'll be glad for when that stress is less.

I have to say my husband and I never really thought we'd ever move. I had my life planned so simply. We would both work and live here in this little half a house. The kids would do well in school and then go off to college. We would have the house paid off and then we would spend our weekends at the beach. I'm just a very simple person. This whole move has knocked my world off course. I have to think up a whole new idea of my future. As I've looked at all my husband has packed away in the basement I keep wanting to ask "Why do you have all this stuff?" And yet I

step back and realize he never planned for us to move either. Life has sent us this change and it's hard to see where it is leading us. I can only hope that it all works out well for us. It's times like this when I could use an angel from the sky to tell me what is ahead. I wish I could go to the end of the chapter of this part of my life and see what is going to happen. I'm one of those people who has to look at the end of the book to see if there is a happy ending. I just can't help it. And yet with life I can't do that. I wish I could. I continue to realize I must have faith and hope. I must continually trust God in this plan. Not my will but his. Hoping to find a good book to read soon. The book I'm reading right now is just a little better than the last. But still not what I was looking for. I'm off to play Cinderella. Clean, clean the empty house.