My family has been here together now for two months. Yet some days I feel like we have been here for an eternity. I can't remember what my house in the east looks like, and I try hard not to think of what has happened to my garden. I have asked the realtor to hire a landscaper for us to have them mow it down. With out my daily care I'm sure it has become a giant mess. I remember loving the sun coming in the window, the too big kitchen in my favorite colors. I don't long to be back, but sometimes wonder how we all got here. I sometimes look at life and think had we made a choice differently would we still be there? If my husband had left his job sooner and gone back to being a mechanic years earlier would we still be there? If he had taken college courses earlier would we still be there? Or should we have taken the offer of this job on one of the earlier offers. Would we then be more settled here? I don't often think this, but every now and then I do.
I can't say that I miss New Jersey. I miss my friends, but I'm making new friends and I have what is most important my family. I have not been called out as a non-Utahan. People don't pick up an odd accent or way of being that makes me stick out like I did in New Jersey. In fact I feel I blend in quiet well here. So do my children. They are doing so well here, I'm happy for them. I'm not sure my husband feels that he fits well. He still misses the ocean. Though we barely got there this past year.
I'm beginning to feel like I belong at work. I enjoy doing the different jobs that I'm asked to do. I look forward to having some more organization and not having to run around so much. I hope that my husband's work levels off a bit so that we see him for awhile before bed.
One thing I'm trying hard to do is live in the moment, in the day. I try not to look back on the past, or look to far into the future, but just enjoy the moment. It helps me to keep calm. I found that this is called "Mindfulness". I'm beginning to look more into this. Just being day by day. My parents are having a hard time with our move. It surprises me as we only visited a couple times a year. But my mom will e-mail and say "don't you feel sad this was the weekend we would come visit and go to the pumpkin patch." Honestly I hadn't even thought of it. I guess I'm not a big person for family traditions. They ask me aren't you sad you won't be able to come for Thanksgiving. But I wouldn't have been able to anyways as I would have to work black Friday at my job. I don't plan yearly events and have to have them happen. I think it is better that way. In my mind I don't let myself hope for great things to happen. I find when you do you are typically let down. I just hope the day brings a bit of joy. A good memory to tuck away. I'll let you know how this living for the moment goes.
Have a wonderful weekend.
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