After the tears

I believe that when something doesn't go your way it is quite alright to take time to cry. I took time to do this. (about a week). Then I stopped and did what you must do, or as the old saying goes "make lemonade out of the lemons life has given you."
My first decision was to go to work and smile, and I have been doing that. One teacher stopped in who had heard the news and said " How can you smile?" I just said that I decided to, and that I would enjoy every moment I have left.
My next step was to think of the possibilities of tomorrow. In some ways I get to reinvent myself. I knew one thing, I could not go back to being a full time at home mother. I have nothing against being a full time mother. I was one for ten years. I loved every moment of it. But when my children left home I had a huge empty space in me. The hardest part of being an at home mom when the children are not at home was eating lunch. There was no one to eat with. I also found myself becoming consumed with cleaning to an unhealthy level. I would be cleaning the sink and look down into the pipes and think "how can I get that cleaner" or I was up in the attic organizing it. My mom said if "you are organizing your attic you need to get out and do something". My first getting out and doing was volunteering at the school that I work at. I helped in my daughters class for a year, and then went back the next year and helped the same teacher. This is where I first found a love for being in a library. They needed volunteers so I went into volunteer. It was so much fun that I would go in twice a week to help in the library and then help once a week in my friends classroom. When the position in the library was posted I applied and was so absolutely happy to get the job.
Working part time has helped me in so many ways. It got me out of my house, it allowed me to meet new people, and it gave me a confidence in myself that staying home had started to take from me. I have been able to finish projects, and create bulletin boards that the students and staff enjoy looking at. I have been able to make a difference and really just help the librarian with all sorts of projects to numerous to list.
When you are an at home mother you clean, you cook, you care for everyone in the house and many times no one says great job, thanks, wow you do a lot of work. And no matter how many times you do the dishes, or laundry they always seem to appear again. My work allowed me to see more of myself, and more of what I could be, and allowed me to learn new things and I love learning.
So here are some of my thoughts of what I'd like to do. I might like to become a veterinary assistant. I have a degree in animal science and have not done anything with that so this would be good. So one thing I've done and something they say to do when you are losing your job is to take classes. I'm taking an online veterinary assistant course. It is lots of fun and I'm realizing I have not forgotten much. I would look for an evening job because I like my summers with my children.
I've also thought it would be fun to work at a book store. I'm partial to Barnes and Noble's. When I go shopping for books that's typically where I go and they are close to my house. I'd love to work in the children's department and read the stories to children. That's one thing that would really be fun for me.
I'm also working on putting together my resume. My goodness what a hard thing to do. Both of the jobs I've had have been in small office areas and I've done a ton of work. How do you keep your resume to one page? How do you figure out what to put in and what not to put in? I'm thankful for my church in this case because some of the members are excellent resources for making up a resume. They have been helping me with this task and it is such a blessing.
Some tips if you are doing a resume: go to websites where they are advertising for jobs, look up your job description and what the employers list as important. If you do these task, take their wording and put it into your resume.
My job before I was a mother was "Customer Manager a.k.a Head Teller" for a bank. So I looked up this information and read some of the ads. The list of job expectations was huge and I did all of it. But what I found interesting was the job hazards listed " In the course of working with customers, the employee may encounter abusive, aggressive or unpredicted threatening behavior. Employees must observe safety and security practices at the branch." I know exactly what they are talking about and that is why I do not want to go back to banking!!
Well just to keep you up to date on Library things as I've chosen to be Library Girl, as Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) was Shop girl. Schools all over the USA will be celebrating Read Across America next week. This is to celebrate Dr. Seuss's birthday, life and the many books that he wrote.
Do you have a favorite Dr. Seuss book? Mine is Green Eggs and Ham. Why? I guess I'm like the guy who Sam I Am is bugging. Do you like green eggs and ham? No! I don't like to try new foods, I'm a picky eater so I totally relate. Dr. Seuss's success gives me hope that someday one of my children's stories will be published. He was rejected by 27 publishing companies before he had a book published. I've had one rejection so far, but have to say I haven't really been pushing forward on that front. So take some time and read your favorite Dr. Seuss book this week, and if you have never read one go out and find one. They are great fun.

My Job

I am an assistant librarian for a primary school in New Jersey. I'm the person who puts all the books away and checks out the books for students and staff members. I assist in making the bulletin boards, and putting together the crafts. Lately I've been putting new spine labels on the books to make it easier for volunteers to put them away. I do most of the clerical work that happens in the library.
I work part time; only three hours a day. I love this job though because as a mother it keeps me on my children's school schedule. I also get to do things that I like to do, such as organize,read books, and create crafts. I spent last summer reading children's books so that I could help the children pick out good books. I also take books home and read them so I know about them when children ask "is this a good book?". I know that this is a small job, insignificant to the big world, but it is my job and I love it. This is the first job that I have had where I have felt fulfilled as a person. It is a job I look forward to going to each day. I know that many people do not have this same feeling. So the fact that it is ending is heartbreaking to me. Let me share my journal entry with you from a week after I found out I would lose my job.
January 21, 2010: "If you have been diligent in reading my journal (I'm assuming some day some descendant of mine will read my journals) then you know that I love my job as assistant librarian. Here is something that I found out last week, being called to the principals office even when you are an adult is a "BAD" thing. I was told last Thursday that my job due to New Jersey legislature is being cut in June. So at the end of the school year I have no job.
Oh how heartbroken I have felt. I've cried quiet a bit these past few weeks. what was very hard is I was told at the beginning of my work day, and so I had to work for three hours without totally falling apart. The librarian would have let me leave, but I did not. When I got home I called my husband and told him that I could not make dinner (again just crying so hard). He asked what was wrong and as I told him it just hurt so much. My job is being cut. My job is being cut. He actually was able to leave work and come home."
Looking back on that day there are a few things I'm very thankful for, one that I was told by the principal that my job was being cut. Others have not been so lucky. I've had friends in the same position call me and say did you hear that our job's are being cut? How did you hear? I felt that being told directly by my
supervisor instead of hearing through the grape-vine was although hard such a great example of a supervisor who respects and treats their staff with dignity and kindness.
I'm thankful for my husband and the support he has given me. I'm thankful for my family and friends who were there to hug me and say "That is so unfair!"
I have become determined to stay at my job until June and be the best employee that I can until my last day. To smile and enjoy every bit of every moment that I have left. I try to get as much as I possibly can done to make sure next year when I'm not there that things will be easy for the volunteers who will hopefully help fill the gap.
I feel sometimes like the charater "Kathleen Kelly"(Meg Ryan) in the movie "You've got mail" She has a small children's bookstore, she loves her job, she knows about the best children's books and then the big fox books comes and causes her bookstore to go out of buisness. I have that little book job that I love, and the big New Jersey Legislature has come and said my job should be cut. I'm hoping that like Kathleen in the end the something new will be as great as what I'm losing.

Losing my job in New Jersey

I've started this blog to mark the journey of losing my job. I think there are many people that are in the same shoes as I am right now, either recieving pink slips and being told not to come back to work tomorrow, or if like me being told that once the school year is over your position is not going to be continued. It is hard to be told 6 months before your job is going to be over that you are losing it. So I'm going to write about my intial feelings and then how I am determined to still be the best employee for the months that I have left. I'll also be talking about my job search, working on my resume and my hopeful new employement. I hope to have some people who will be interested in my journey as I slowly lose my job in New Jersey.